RIAA to America: You’re All Guilty! So Pay Up.

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Tasked with rescuing the major labels from it’s very public death spiral, the Recording Industry Ass. of America has struck on a novel idea. Sue Everyone! Not just old ladies and children but everyone in the US. While you might think it’s a joke, its not. As a first step in their plan to sue everyone in the US the Recording Industry Ass. of America has launched a website where anyone that has received one of their “We’re gonna sue you” letters can go and settle-up.

The Recording Industry Ass. of America has invited a couple hundred college students to beta test the site (via “We’re gonna sue you” letters sent to them last week). The key to the Recording Industry Ass. of America’s plan for suing all American’s is the total automation of the process, from initial bullying to final ransom. The launch of this site, completes the automation process and now the Recording Industry Ass. of America can identify, accuse, threaten and shakedown every American without having to have expensive, and increasingly counter-productive, court appearances.

The basic idea behind the site is to complement the Recording Industry Ass. of America’s automated process for identifying and accusing anyone with an IP address, and an MP3 file, of copyright infringement. The site allows people accused and threatened by the Recording Industry Ass. of America to confess their sins and make their shakedown payments via credit card. In an amazing show of customer service, the site even includes a phone number in case you want to arrange a longer term payment plan.

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One of the slick, fast-talking MBA’s at the Recording Industry Ass. of America apparently ran the numbers and came up with this innovative new business model. I reverse engineered their thinking and it goes something like this. There are arounf 200 million adults in the US and be using their new automated process to threaten just 15% of that population, with a 5% pay-up rate at $2,000 per shakedown, the recording industry could pull in $3 billion dollars in year one. That’s almost 1/3 the total value of the US recorded music industry in 2006. Assuming modest growth in the number of threats and the average payment size, the revenue regenerated from the RIAA’s shakedowns new business model could equal that of the entire music industry in just five years. Hows thats for the monetization of P2P?

To show that they care the Recording Industry Ass. of America has included a helpful FAQ on the site which provides potential payees with insightful tips like this:

How are P2P copyright infringers identified for lawsuits?
They are initially identified by their Internet Protocol (IP) address – the Internet address that the computer uses to communicate. Technology companies retained by the record companies monitor a variety of P2P networks to determine whether individuals are uploading or downloading the record companies’ copyrighted music.

So no need to mount a defense or or try to fight it, once you get your “We’re gonna sue you” letter just go to the site and pay up.

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5 Responses to RIAA to America: You’re All Guilty! So Pay Up.

  1. Ali says:

    Sweet, so when’s the site going to be up. Who’s with me in spammin them with excerpts from “1984” and “Animal Farm”. I don’t remember the exact lines but I’m thinking about the portion where all the animals confess to the crimes that the traitor pig made them do. Also their confessions in 1984.

  2. Siddiq Bello says:

    Hey Ali

    The site is up. Sorry, didnt include the link. The site is already up and I’m sure it generating revenue as we speak. Check it out at P2PLawsuits.com

  3. Guy Shalev says:

    How do you guesstimate the amount of people thay’ll pay?

    If they have a stick, most people would pay. If there is no stick, no one would pay.

    I think either 5% will pay(at most) or 95% will pay(with the rest paying after a law-suit).

  4. [...] have forked over protection money to the Recording Industry Ass. of America (RIAA), via their recently launched shakedown site. It’s at least good to know that as the RIAA forges ahead on it’s campaign to destroy [...]

  5. Gert Jensen says:

    In the event where RAII actually tried to stop the illegal distribution of copyrighted music rather than making newspaper headlines, would you please provide the ISP’s a site where they can complain about the mp3 distributions going on within their networks.

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